INTERNET TOUR BUS

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THE INTERNET TRAFFIC REPORT

The Internet Traffic Report monitors the flow of data around the world.  Visit this page and you'll find a map of the world labelled with numbers between zero and 100.  Higher values indicate faster and more reliable connections.  As I write this, the global index is sitting at 58.  The last time I visited, it was 56, so I guess that's an improvement. If you're having trouble accessing a particular website, check the Internet Traffic Report, so you can determine if your problems are global or local.  You'll also find a Global Traffic Index, Global Response Time Index, and a Global Packet Loss chart.  Each has 7-day and 30-day graphs so you can check out Internet performance from the recent past.  (It would be nice to see data from one, two or five years ago, but I couldn't find it there.)
http://www.InternetTrafficReport.com

INTERNET WEATHER REPORT

This is similar to the Traffic Report, but the data is displayed differently.  This site uses Java to present ongoing animated scans of conditions within the Internet. Sort of like newspaper or TV weather radar reports, but it's about conditions inside the Internet itself. Trouble spots are highlighted with larger circles.  I found the data on this site harder to interpret, but more fun to watch! John Quarterman and his pals at MIDS (Matrix Information & Directory Services) deserve some kind of award for keeping this service up to date since 1993!
http://www.InternetWeather.com

DIPSTICK

Dipstick is a little Windows program that helps you figure out the best download site when you're ready to download a file, but there are multiple sites listed.  Just drag and drop the URL to see which download site is fastest.  This can save you a lot of time if you're going to download a large file, since some sites are much busier than others.
http://www.klever.net/kin/dipstick.html

HOW FAST IS YOUR CONNECTION?

Want to know how fast you REALLY are surfing?  The folks at MSN's Computing Central have created a free Bandwith Speed Test at http://computingcentral.msn.com/topics/bandwidth/speedtest.asp
Besides telling you the actual speed of your Internet connection, the Bandwith Speed Test page also has a question and answer section that explains where and why slowdowns occur with Internet connections, and what you can do to make things faster.

SPEEDUP OPTIONS

Remember the old Star Trek episodes where they hit Warp 10, and Scotty tells Captain Kirk "Ah doon't know how much loonger ah can hold 'er together Cap'n"?  That really has nothing to do with this next section, but it's always good to reminisce about old Star Trek issues...
MTUSPEED is utility that helps you optimize your Win95 Internet connection.  Turns out the Microsoft defaults work well for LAN users, but are not so great for dialup users.  Let MTUSPEED tweak your Windows registry and you'll probably get a boost of 30% or more.
NOTE: If you use a Mac or Windows 98, you don't need this utility.
http://www.mjs.u-net.com/mtuspeed.htm
NETSONIC is a web accelerator that tries to speed up your surfing by guessing where you'll go next.  NetsSonic is for Windows.  If you can find a similar Mac web accelerator, let me know!
http://www.web3000.com

FREE INTERNET PHONE CALLS!

Join the millions who have stopped paying for long distance. TALK FREE with friends or relatives anywhere in the world PC  to PC. Paltalk - the hottest new Internet telephone service.  Start making FREE CALLS NOW!
http://www.paltalk.com/pm3

FREE VACATION GUIDES, TRAVEL BROCHURES AND MORE

Ready to plan your next vacation?  It's quick and easy - Select  free vacation guides from America's top 100 travel destinations and have them mailed to you FREE.  Official guides from State Tourism offices, city visitors bureaus & regional vacation areas. Filled with valuable information, pictures, maps, etc.  Includes Washington DC, Vermont, Arizona, Wyoming, Utah, Tennessee, and many more.  Click here now for details:
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BAD ART

When I was a kid, my orthodontist had a really bad painting in his office, which I had to stare at while he reshaped my mouth.  Ever since then, I've been sensitive to Bad Art.  I think the guy that created http://www.badart.com must have undergone extensive dental work too, because he's spent years collecting examples of Bad Art.  Virtual curator Vito Salvatore
explains his philosophy like this:
> The work here must not simply be bad, but compellingly bad!  It
> must reach out with crude style, failed technique or unintentional
> humorous content, shake the viewer and say, "You cannot take your
> eyes off of me, drop your jaw and stare!"
You can see his collection online, along with funny titles and explanatory quips for each painting.  One painting you MUST see is "Eye Yi Yi" in Gallery 1, which the webmaster describes as "the most hideous and powerfully bad piece I've ever seen."
There's also a really funny story about "an artist and his butt". It's not gross or obscene, but it does describe a very novel approach to painting that you won't want to try at home.  :-)
Also check out the Bad Links page, with pointers to other sites just brimming with Bad Art.  (Oh, and Dr. G, if you're reading this, please don't visit this site.  Your past, present and future orthodontic patients all thank you.)

BAD HAIKU

Do you remember writing Haiku poetry in 5th grade?  Sure you do! It's a Japanese literary form, consisting of 17 syllables, with 5 one the first line, 7 on the second line, and 5 on the third line.
Here's an example:
        This haiku poem
        Has seventeen syllables
        Quite meaningful, eh?
Now that's pretty bad haiku, even though it fits the form.  But you can find some really bad haiku, or submit your own at this site:  http://www.badhaiku.com 
You can submit your own haiku, and it'll be added to the site's archive.  Please note that Bad Haiku does not guarantee that all submissions conform to the rules of proper haiku, and that you will find some off-color language amongst the many submissions. Here are some of my favorites from the Bad Haiku archive:
        Cafe alfresco.
        Light nosh 'neath trees and teal sky.
        Big bug in my soup.
        I HAVE A PROBLEM
        I CAN'T THINK OF A HAIKU
        WHAT AM I TO DO?

BAD LITERATURE

Do you think you're a really bad writer?  Take heart, you could win a prestigious award for your drivel.  The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest has challenged entrants for almost 20 years to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels.  Here's one of the first winners:
> The camel died quite suddenly on the second day, and Selena
> fretted sulkily and, buffing her already impeccable nails--not
> for the first time since the journey began--pondered snidely
> if this would dissolve into a vignette of minor inconveniences
> like all the other holidays spent with Basil.
> --Gail Cain, San Francisco, California (1983 Winner)
New entries will be accepted until mid-June, so if you think you're bad enough, give it a try!
http://www.bulwer-lytton.com 

GOING FROM BAD TO WORSE?

If you haven't had your fill of Bad yet, try the absolute worst at http://www.worstoftheweb.com 
Each weekday, your guides Buzz, Melvin and Chip feature a really awful site, and tell you why it stinks.  If you want some examples of how NOT to design your web pages, browse here for a while.

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Asbestos in Crayons?

I have a story for you that, unfortunately, is not an urban legend ...although it sure does sound like one.  The Seattle Post-Intelligencer is reporting, and independent labs have confirmed, the existence of asbestos fibers in tests of three brands of crayons: Crayola, Prang, and Rose Art.  In testing those brands, labs hired by the Post-Intelligencer found asbestos in 32 of the 40 crayons they tested.
Prolonged inhalation of asbestos fibers can result in a lung condition known as asbestosis or in mesothelioma, a rapidly fatal form of lung cancer.
It is important to note that asbestos was only found in Crayola, Prang, and Rose Art crayons.  No other brands of crayons were found to contain asbestos.
The asbestos apparently comes from the talc added to crayons to make them more durable.  According to our friends at the Encyclopedia Britannica [ http://www.britannica.com/ ],
      Talc is also used in lubricants, leather dressings, toilet and
      dusting powders, and certain marking pencils.  It is used as a
      filler in ceramics, paint, paper, roofing materials, plastic, and
      rubber; as a carrier in insecticides; and as a mild abrasive in
      the polishing of cereal grains such as rice and corn.
The Post-Intelligencer does not mention whether any other consumer products that use talc also contain asbestos.
You can find all of the Post-Intelligencer's recent crayon reports on the Web at
http://www.seattle-pi.com/crayons/
Binney & Smith, makers of Crayola Crayons, recently conducted their own independent laboratory investigation and concluded that "Crayola Crayons do not contain asbestos and are safe for children."  You can read Binney & Smith's full response to the Post-Intelligencer's reports at http://www.crayola.com/safety/index.cfm
The Post-Intelligencer counters with a story claiming that
      The "independent" expert that Crayola hired to check its crayons
      for asbestos has been paid millions of dollars by the asbestos
      industry for testimony on its behalf in personal-injury suits.
You can read that entire story at http://www.seattle-pi.com/national/fisc30.shtml
Of course, the million-dollar question is "are crayons dangerous?" The honest answer is that no one seems to know.  The US Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) is currently conducting tests to determine the safety of crayons.  When the CPSC releases its results, I'll let you know.  In the meantime, a few experts are employing "Pascal's Wager," asking that parents not let their children play with Crayola, Prang, or Rose Art crayons until independent labs can confirm that there is no risk.  For example, Russ Rader, CPSC's director of Public Affairs, is recently quoted as saying
      At this point, the facts aren't in and we don't want to alarm
      people, but if a parent wants to be cautious, they may not want
      to let their young kids play with crayons until we have some more
      definitive answer to give.
      [Quote from: http://www.seattle-pi.com/national/cray24.shtml ]
Other experts are taking a wait-and-see approach.  Robert Goetz of the Cincinnati Drug and Poison Information Center recently told the he Akron Beacon Journal that
      We're not particularly concerned from the point of view of a
      health risk to children ... We're not going to recommend that
      parents make their kids stop using crayons until this is all
      settled out.
      [Quote from: http://www.ohio.com/aol/aolns/018299.htm ]
The final decision, however, lies with you.  I'll let you know if anything else happens with this story in the weeks and months to come.

CornCam

Have you ever been to an event so utterly boring that it was like watching grass grow?  Have you longed to relive that experience? Well, thanks to the wonders of the Internet, you can!
Fellow TOURBUS rider (and member of that Purdue wedding party we talked about two weeks ago) Nabeel Ibrahim recently introduced me to the Iowa CornCam at http://www.iowafarmer.com/corncam/corn.html
The CornCam is, quite simply, a Web cam in the middle of an Iowa corn field that lets you:
      - Watch corn grow;
      - Count the ears in this Iowa cornfield;
      - See it tassel; and
      - Cheer as the mighty cornstalks battle wind, hail and
        rainstorms.
As Nabeel so astutely observed, "the nighttime shots are especially elucidating."  I couldn't agree more.
[By the way, in my reply to Nabeel, I wrote that "[a]ll that fancy book-learnin' has caused you to put on airs, boy.  Elucidating?  Are "enlightening" and "illuminating" too good for you?"  His response? "Well, when you've been in school as long as I have ... oh wait, you *HAVE* been in school as long as I have."]  :)

TRAVEL OFTEN?

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SEARCH ENGINE WATCH

Here are some of the features of the Search Engine Watch site that you'll enjoy exploring.  Let's start today's tour here:
Search Engine Watch - http://searchenginewatch.com

------------------------------------------
Search Engine Submission Tips
------------------------------------------

Explains how search engines find and rank web pages, with emphasis on how webmasters can improve their rankings.  If you have a website, and you've been frustrated at your inability to get your pages listed in the top 30 hits, you'll find help here.
This is particularly valuable, since some of the techniques that have been recommended in years past will now get you banned from certain engines - ouch!

---------------------------
Web Searching Tips
---------------------------

Info on getting the most from the major search engines, from a general user's perspective.  Articles include POWER SEARCHING FOR ANYONE, SEARCH ENGINE FEATURES CHART, the entertaining WHAT PEOPLE SEARCH FOR, HOW SEARCH ENGINES WORK (rather technical), and SEARCH ENGINE SIZES.
That last one I found particularly interesting.  It shows that several of the Biggies have doubled or tripled the size of their databases in the past year.  But a few have remained the same for over two years!  Here's a quick glance:

  Engine                06/00  06/99  (Size in millions of sites)
  --------------------- -----  -----
  AltaVista              350    150
  Fast Search            340     90
  Northern Light         260    150
  Google                 230     80
  Excite                 214     55
  Inktomi                110    110
  Lycos                   50     50

For the search engine "consumer" the rapid growth of the number of websites indexed is good news.  Expect to see several of these databases top the 500 million mark by the end of the year. Even so, that'll only cover about half of the estimated size of the web!

------------------------------
Search Engine Listings
------------------------------

A trove of links to various kinds of search engines, including Major Search Engines, News Search Engines, Kids Search Engines, Regional Search Engines, Meta Searchers (sites that query multiple engines and collate the results), Specialty Search Engines, and Multimedia Search Engines.

-------------------------------------
Ratings, Reviews and Tests
-------------------------------------

Here's an interesting collection of links to show how the search engines measure up.  For example, STATMARKET rates search engines based on how much traffic they send to web sites.  The NPD STUDY measures user satisfaction with search engines, and the GVU SURVEY takes stock of how people actually find sites.  The SEARCHES PER DAY article and SEARCH ENGINE REVIEWS are worthwhile reading too.

--------------------------------------------
Search Engine Report Newsletter
--------------------------------------------

The Search Engine Report is a free, monthly newsletter about search engines and changes to the Search Engine Watch site.  Over 130,000 subscribers enjoy editor Danny Sullivan's insight, analysis and a rich set of links to other relevant news stories in each issue.

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Beyond Silicon

Here is a question that could very well make your head hurt: will we still be using silicon-based computers 10 years from now?  Next week, the folks at MIT's Technology Review magazine will host "Beyond Silicon 2000," a one-day symposium and executive conference designed to answer this and other questions, including:
      - Can silicon continue to increase and sustain the acceleration
        of computer speed that we have seen in the last twenty years?
      - What are the societal implications if technology outpaces
        itself, and how will this affect the global marketplace?
      - Are there limits to how small and how fast computers can
        become, and when will those limits be reached?
My guess is that this conference will be a HUGE media event.  If you can't make it to the conference in Boston, though, you can still get a sneak peek at some of the topics that will be discussed at Beyond Silicon 2000 in the latest issue of MIT's Technology Review magazine. You can find that issue on the Web at http://www.techreview.com/currnt.htm
Technology Review's latest issue offers in-depth, easy-to read articles on topics ranging from the obstacles that may doom silicon- based computing in the not-so-distant future (see "The End of Moore's Law?" at http://www.techreview.com/articles/may00/mann.htm ) to the technologies that are waiting in the wings to replace silicon, including molecular computing, quantum computing, biological computing, and even DNA computing.  Best of all, the articles on the replacement technologies even tell you which companies and schools are currently researching that particular technology.
Neat, huh?  As I said earlier, Beyond Silicon 2000 will probably be a HUGE media event.  After all, EVERYONE is interested in seeing what the future of computer chip design will be.  If you want to get a leg up on the media -- and I'll let you ponder that imagery a little while before I continue -- I strongly recommend that you read ALL of the articles in the latest issue of MIT's Technology Review magazine. You'll get a sneak peek at some pretty exciting stuff that may be making its way into your computer in the not-too-distant future.
By the way, if you are in the Boston area and would like to learn a little more about Beyond Silicon 2000, check out http://www.techreview.com/beyondsilicon/

Update: Asbestos in Crayons?

In my last post we talked about how the Seattle Post-Intelligencer is reporting the existence of asbestos fibers in tests of three brands of crayons.  Man, that crayon story generated a LOT of email.  :)
What I forgot to say was that, between you and me, I think this whole asbestos in crayons thingy is probably a bunch of hooey.  But, as I did say last week,
      the million-dollar question is "are crayons dangerous?"  The honest answer is that no one seems to know.
I stand by that statement.  Admittedly, the chances of wax-encased asbestos becoming airborne and being inhaled are rather slim.  *BUT*, children also eat crayons -- I know I did -- and, as our dear friend Barbara Mikkelson points out in a wonderful article at http://www.snopes.com/toxins/crayons.htm :
      ... Ingestion -- eating, drinking or otherwise swallowing of fibers -- is a less researched route of exposure and is discounted by some as a serious threat.
      But in 1987, the Department of Health and Human Services gathered a team of experts from EPA, CDC, NIOSH and OSHA and evaluated eleven studies on ingestion done over the previous twenty years.
      The interagency report concluded: "The potential hazard should not be discounted, and ingestion exposure to asbestos should be eliminated whenever possible." In other words, they don't know if it's dangerous, but they don't want anyone to take any chances
      with it.
      There are no known reports of anyone getting asbestos-related illness from using or making crayons.
      Some experts hold the opinion that swallowed fibers don't present the same level of hazard as inhaled fibers and that the amounts reputed to be in crayons are too small to constitute a health
      risk. Others say young children are far more vulnerable to toxins than adults, so even what appears to be a small peril has to be taken quite seriously where the tots are involved. Asbestos- related disease can take twenty or more years to show up, making it difficult to assess the danger ...
The point of my last TOURBUS post was not to elicit a panic, but rather to both introduce you to a controversial story that you might not have heard about and to provide you with pointers to Web resources where you could learn more about this story and ultimately form conclusions of your own.
The CPSC expects to publish initial results by 2 June 2000.  I promise that I will post a summary of those results as soon as they are released.  :)

TODAY'S SOUTHERN WORD OF THE WEEK

AY-REE-UH (noun).  A geographic region. Usage: "There ain't a single Steak-N-Shake in this entar AY-ree-uh"
[Special thanks go to ME for today's word]
You can find all of the old Southern Words of the day at http://netsquirrel.com/crispen/word.html

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CRAYONS ARE SAFE!

Break out the crayon box and start nibbling, folks!  The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) has released the results of its investigation of the safety of crayons.  You will remember that the Seattle Post-Intelligencer recently reported that major brands of crayons contain asbestos.  Well, the CPSC found
      a trace amount of asbestos in two Crayola crayons made by Binney
      and Smith and one Prang crayon made by Dixon Ticonderoga.
      However, the amount of asbestos is so small it is scientifically
      insignificant.
      In Crayola crayons and Prang crayons, CPSC also found larger
      amounts of another fiber, called "transitional" fiber, which is
      similar in appearance to asbestos fiber.  While there are
      potential concerns about these fibers if children are exposed to
      them, CPSC tests concluded that the risk a child would be exposed
      to the fibers either through inhalation or ingestion is extremely
      low and there is no scientific basis for a recall.
While the CPSC found that the risk of exposure to the fibers from using or even eating crayons is low, the CPSC did conclude that these fibers really shouldn't be in children's crayons in the first place:
      As a precaution, because crayons are intended for use by
      children, CPSC asked industry to reformulate crayons using
      substitute ingredients.  Binney and Smith and Dixon Ticonderoga
      quickly volunteered to reformulate within a year to eliminate the
      fibers.  Rose Art, which has only a small percentage of crayons
      made with talc, also agreed to reformulate.
The best news of all is that
      CPSC tests concluded that there is no cause for concern.  Parents
      and teachers can continue to use the crayons they have and
      purchase crayons from store shelves.
You can read the complete text of the CPSC's crayon safety press release at http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml00/00123.html
It looks like the only danger of using crayons is if your mom catches you drawing on her walls.  :)
By the way, if you want to read an excellent summary of this whole asbestos in crayons scare, I strongly recommend Barbara "the truth, asbestos I can figure out" Mikkelson's recent "Crayon Me a River" article at http://www.snopes.com/toxins/crayons.htm
I know I mention snopes.com a lot, but it is one of my favorite sites on the Net (along with David Emery's urbanlegends.about.com).  :)

Bulk Legos!

I am a HUGE fan of Lego building bricks, so this his is possibly the coolest news I have heard in ages: if you live in the US or Canada, you can now buy Legos in BULK!  That's right ... BULK LEGOS!  Just point your Web browser to http://www.lego.com/bulk/
Currently, you can only buy basic Lego bricks and roof tiles (for example, you can buy 100 2x2 bricks in any color for US$6.99 plus shipping).  To see a complete list of available Lego bricks and tiles, point your Web browser to http://www.lego.com/bulk/bulkpage1.asp
While current the selection is kind of slim, you should be able to order Lego plates, doors, windows, trees, other specialty elements, and even bricks and plates in hard-to-find colors in bulk quantities in the months to come.
Oh, and if the folks at Lego don't start shipping to addresses outside the US and Canada soon, let me know.  I'd be happy to be the middleman for any TOURBUS-riding Lego fanatic on any of the other continents. :)

The *NEW* Southern Word Homepage

I am proud to announce that my world-famous Southern Word homepage has (finally) been completely redesigned and updated!  The page now includes every Southern Word that has appeared in TOURBUS since our first issue back in July of 1995!
If you haven't visited the Southern Word homepage in a while, I think you'll like the changes.  Just point your Web browser to http://www.netsquirrel.com/crispen/word.html
That's it for this week!  Have a safe and happy weekend, and don't eat too many crayons!  :)

TODAY'S SOUTHERN WORD OF THE WEEK

SANGLE (adjective).  Unaccompanied by others. Usage: "Mercy ... Bubba is 14 and he's still sangle?!"
[Special thanks go to Marsha Miller for today's word]
You can find all of the old Southern Words of the day at http://netsquirrel.com/crispen/word.html